Quandary, life, love and hope…

I hate alcohol, smoking, racism, homophobia, misogynists, bigotry, prejudice, small minded pettiness, people, life aaaaaarrrrgh!!!
Actually I don’t hate people but I hate our species, we have the capacity for such brilliance, kindness, beauty & altruism yet we wage war on each other, argue and fight over the smallest notions.
No religion advocates violence, yet it’s so often used as an excuse to hurt and condemn even kill!
Greed sees us drive other species to extinction seemingly daily. We’re bleeding the world dry despite it being the only place we have to live. The oceans used to team with life, now awash with plastic.
The ice caps are melting, indigenous species are starving, I can’t forget the images of emaciated polar bears!
Indigenous peoples “civilised” within an inch of their lives, the old ways which impacted so little on the environment forgotten and the people railroaded towards convenience, easy life and sickness from common ailments to type 2 diabetes.
Kindness costs nothing but it’s effect is far reaching. Sadly the same is true of unkindness, bitterness and suspicion. Look at Nazi Germany, once something is drip fed in the right environment negativity and suspicions grow, appalling acts of cruelty are accepted, people are desensitized to it. I’m using the example of Germany because it’s so well known but time and again for atrocities to take place people need to be accepting things that should outrage!
We should all be appalled at the destruction of the rain forests, not least because they create the very oxygen we require to live but until we’re gasping for breath it won’t be relevant.
The rich have inherited the earth not the meek!
The mind boggles to fathom how the rich got that way if they fail to see how damaging drilling for oil at the poles will be for example. You can’t eat money.
BUT I have to believe we’re better than that, I’m positive by nature, I wasn’t always but I’ve changed over time, I hope I’ve always tried to be kind but I’ve definitely hurt people without intention because I acted in my own interests without thinking of the ripple effect of my behaviour.
My husband, while naturally pessimistic has changed over the course of our marriage. Before we met he lived in quite a negative environment with a person who carried the weight of an unhappy past. Either this affected him negatively or my positivity and our children have rubbed off but either way he’s not as negative as he was then.
We’re poles apart though in so many ways, he’s an evangelical atheist, I’m quietly God squad.
He would claim he’s not prejudice but his fear of Isis and terrorism coupled with ignorance about Islam make for heated discussion in our house.
He drinks heavily,smokes and thinks he’s done some exercise if he’s walked from a parking space to the supermarket, although he does a physical job. I train daily, I’m not tea total because I drink at Christmas and New year but I’ve no need for anything to change my reality, I spent my early 20’s addicted to heroin perhaps this is why I like to be straight now but that’s a life time ago and a subject for another time. As a former smoker too I’m probably worse than someone who never smoked in the anti-smoking departments.
We drive each other completely mad. He sulks and ignores me when I’ve displeased him. For the first 4 years I’d beg for forgiveness and try to placate him, an echo of previous controlling relationships, now I apologise but only if I’m in the wrong and one time. He calms down and we carry on like nothing has happened. He believes he’s never wrong, it’s amusing now I think if it but mid row it’s infuriating. For all this neither of us is frightened to be ourselves for fear of losing the other. We have both been alone and know we excel at it but life is better together. I love him with my whole soul he makes my heart smile despite our many differences. He loves me the same way. His previous partner has been very vocal about her belief she had the best of him because she had him longer when he had a six pack and all his hair/teeth. I find that so sad because the man he’s become is kind, loving and thoughtful, a far superior human being that the angry judgmental man she left behind. I’m still attracted to him. We balance each other out.
If we can change, we’re nothing special, surely the world can too.!?

Random acts of kindness however small can change the world!

Have a great day

A x


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