Good grief!

Well my crazy beautiful bi-polar daughter is home after a nine year absense and an epic journey to Oxford and back in a day, only 460 miles but it seems a very long way when the first and last hour are silly little roads peppered with hold ups from tractors to Sunday drivers and you live in the UK which is a small island in the great scheme of things.

Despite intending to write a daily blog I haven’t managed it at all since she got here until today I’m not sure I did the day I went up to collect them either, hope it’s not an omen but she is all consuming aha!

Life has been a bit hectic with the private let for Ce’Nedra and the kids falling through which necessitated in finding somewhere for them to stay, pretty darn quickly, she’s still in a very short let because I’m lucky enough to have fabulous people in my life who were able to lend her an empty holiday let..

The children start school tomorrow in the same school they were in when they came to stay with me when their Mother was in hospital, which will be nice as 2 of my children attend the same school and probably more importantly they have friends there. Javiah my grandson did not want to move to Wales but he’ll be fine now he is here. Ce’Nedra needs to be home with the support so many young mothers take for granted.

I hadn’t realised until it had gone perhaps because it’s always been there but I was anxious, somewhere on a molecular level, even while thinking I was zen like after a yoga session. It was there like a back ground hum. All the time she was away 9 years of worry about my child and her off spring out there in the world.

Maybe that’s why I’m very calm at the prospect of their homelessness, unashamedly God squad if not affiliated with a specific religion, I believe in Science too but can happy merge the 2 either way I know it will work out, things always do. She’s home now and although there’s yet more people jostling for my attention a balance will be found and we’ll find a new normal.

I refuse to be mum’s taxi but because I pass the door on the school run I’ll pick the children up for school and it’s a good excuse to go to the nearest reasonable sized town to shop for the things we can’t get in our rural community shopping once a week…oh and there’s the 2 weekly access visits 200 mile round trip for Shiloh to see her father but other than that 😂 🤔 ok so may be just a bit like Mum’s taxi, I think the anxiety might be creeping back in…

I’m at the same time excited and fearful, excited because for the first time ever all my biological off spring are within a 5mile radius I can’t tell you how much I’m looking forward to seeing my grand children grow up and coffee with my adult daughter/friend. Fearful because the nature of her illness means she can be very dependant. I’m a people pleaser but I’m already time poor it’s taken me years to find time for me, to not feel selfish to go for a run or just binge watch Doctor Who…anyway only time will tell, I’m a glass half full kind of gal so watch this space. Happy Sunday A x

#life #middle-age #bi-polar #brightfuture fully

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