What the hell is wrong with me?!

Everyone’s going on about 2018 being unkind, seriously you can’t scroll an inch through Facebook without 2018 was pants so 2019 is gonna be supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, Apparently I’m the exception to the rule at the risk of sounding a bit woe is me, sure Cesg was sectioned and the kids came to live with us then went home leaving a void but it all worked out, 2018 wasn’t so bad. 3 days in and 2019 is worse than the whole of last year.

I’m not sure (yes I am I’m just wallowing but bare with me ahah!) if it’s because my attitude is out of wack but I’m sad, to the point of being on the verge of tears, similar to that weird hormonal feeling when you’re tearful in pregnancy or before menstruation (don’t get me started on menstruation, surely it should be womenstruation as we’re the ones with wombs! and don’t excite yourself Chris has had the snip baby no 7 is firmly off the table)

I lack the motivation to train at all, not me, training in the am is as natural as flicking the kettle on for tea/coffee, veganuary is proving troublesome as quorn is not vegan ffs!!! I am overwhelmed, there is so much to do, I still have no guarantor for the wretched house for Ce’Nedra, have yet to hire a van, although I can borrow a car to collect her and the children early with a trunk full of clothes etc my other children go back to school on the 8th, I can’t be in 2 places at once but the idea of driving 4.5 hrs straight just to have a cup of tea pack the car and drive back fills me with dread.

God I am being wallowy aren’t I! I just need to get through the next few weeks but then what? I am in real danger of trying to pour from an empty cup but no-one seems to care as long as their needs are met. Watch this space A x

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