Good morning?

I realise the best mornings for me are the ones I’m up before 6 to train; that is to leap about in my kitchen, with or without weight for the uninitiated. I’m neither disciplined nor wealthy enough to go to a gym that would be open at that time, I don’t have a Nanny and despite the fact I virtually lived in the local gym in the early noughties I find myself really self conscious in that environment now. Ridiculous because I know from experience the people in there are not remotely interested in you, unless you fail to put weights back or are particularly unhygienic. Everybody is so consumed with what they’re doing they don’t care if your boob fell out or the sweat patch looks like you peed yourself that said thoughts and feelings are rarely rational. So I like to be up early, even if I don’t train it is pretty much the only time I get any real time to myself, to read my emails or just think without the commotion that is family life.

Solitude is wonderful. I don’t really see many people day to day. Obviously people in shops or the local petrol station. The other mothers at the various schools my children attend. We live in a fairly small community by most standards I have no idea how many people live in my village let alone the surrounding ones but we are a community, I will always see someone I know to wave at or pass and say Hello but I don’t see anyone who would remember or who I planned to see. We’re a fairly large family perhaps why I value quiet. I don’t really watch television, the odd show but I could easily live without one. I’m binge watching Dr Who on Netflix and will watch the whole of something back to back if it suits me but generally If I’m alone in the house I won’t have anything on at all. I love music but won’t have it on unless I’m driving then I listen to BBC RAdio 1, I am seriously not their demographic but I was once I simply continued to listen, perhaps one day I’ll wake up and decide Radio 2 is for me..

Anyway I like my own company and am rarely bored inside my own head. There are so many things to think about. I do wonder if it will come back to haunt me, perhaps I’ll be a lonely old person when my children have moved on and made wonderful lives for themselves. I do so hope they have wonderful lives and realise there is so much more to life than money, true wealth isn’t about things. I should stress I very much value all the relationships I have with people, I’m not without feeling in my insular little world and obviously the wealth I talk about is in them, certainly not my bank balance but I probably only intentionally meet up with a friend once a week if that. Is that normal? Should I need to be part of a pack? The more I learn about Autism and aspergers the more I think it likely the kids get it from me. But then perhaps as we get older we become more at ease with life because we have had so much more practice…have a great day A x

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