The real cost of giving

When you do something for someone else, whether it’s time consuming,financially costly or not how do you feel? I mean really.

I recently realised despite being the type to autonomously help, it’s not always the kind, altruistic action I would hope. I’m a busy person, I have a busy life, it’s an extremely happy one but it is filled to the brim. As long as I’m exercising & doing some form of centering like simply stopping in gratitude, yoga, meditation or ROMWOD to reign in my ADHD I can finely tune my life so it all fits in nicely and even cope with unexpected change with just a bit of a mind wiggle. Sometimes despite this, I help someone and resent the adjustment to my own plans, the lost run, the late dinner, or simply because the person wanting the help is perfectly capable of doing whatever it is themselves & frankly not as time poor. That’s not altruism, that’s sacrifice and there’s nothing particularly kind about doing something while resenting it.

They (whoever they are πŸ€·β€β™€οΈ) say if you want something doing you should ask the busiest person you know & it will get done, I think this is probably true. We’re used to fitting things in but where is the value to allowing yourself to be a doormat? You’re just teaching people to treat you badly. “Love you neighbour as yourself” isn’t just telling you to love your neighbour, you need to love yourself too & helping with resentment isn’t a feeling that inspires the love of self. Boundaries are important, I’m finally learning after nearly half a century. I will always help if I won’t resent the request or offer to help if I feel inspired to do so from a good feeling but I am finally allowing myself to be a priority in my own life & it feels good 🀩

Have a wonderful day, help when you can but don’t be a doormat πŸ˜‰ A x

#middleagedread #bekind #helpwithoutresentment #dontbeadoormat #positivelife #followyourjoy

Mind your own business!

This is so apt, we’re all guilty of judging others at some point, if only to make us feel better about our own circumstances. We’re also all guilty of having had a victim mentality, real awareness is when you realise other people have been the victims of you too.

Personally I receive judgement from those who think cleaning is a job that’s beneath them, despite being a graduate, worse still when they hear I’m also a Herbalife nutrition distributor 😲 surely not that pyramid scheme!! πŸ˜‰ I should point out my degree is in Sports Science & I have 2 years of nutrition as part of that degree. I have consistently used it for 6 years as a large part of my nutrition & training, I’m in the best shape of my life (when I slip in the diet department, despite the training element staying the same) I’m very definitely fluffier & yet they’d still rather believe some bloke in the gym πŸ€·β€β™€οΈ

Often our minds play tricks on us, someone doesn’t answer a text, so we run through all the scenarios as to why they haven’t answered; the scenarios often dependant on our mood… Good mood, maybe you assume your friend is busy or has started to answer then got side tracked (that might be more relevant to menopausal middle-aged women 😜) ..insecurity or negative mind set? Are they ignoring us, what could we have done to offend them & so on.. It’s often easier to believe the bad thoughts & then later on find out they were completely untrue. Why are negative things so readily accepted by the mind when positive energy has been proven to be many times stronger than negative, what are thoughts if not the energy given out by the host?!

There also appears to be an odd perception that disagreement (whatever the topic, politics, religion, climate change you name it) means you can’t be friends or you hate anyone with opposing views. I know people who delete people from social media because they have an opinion they disagree with. I understand the rationale of course but surely if we only interact with people with the same view point & there’s no one to challenge us & our views particularly if they’re biased, prejudiced or bigoted, then they become acceptable!!

Something to think about! Have a fabulous day A x

#middleagedread #herbalife4life #agewisely #bekind

Technology is baffling!

I’ve been spaffing about with my theme & colour scheme because like my 6 year old granddaughter, I can’t help fiddling but now I can’t put it back, this is the new normal πŸ€·β€β™€οΈ

I’m from a dying breed: The pre technology generation! There was 1 computer at school, pretty much for the sole use of the 6th form boarders; “Word perfect” for word processing & some binary 0s & 1s made some wizardry happen long before Harry Potter & his pals.

A friend taught me a now long forgotten combination of said 0 & 1’s to make a name, usually yours or that of your crush, roll on the monitor screen, we’d spend our time setting all the monitors on the displays in electrical shops in Oxford.

Wearing lots of liquid eyeliner and black tassled skirts, we were the ‘Didi Goths’, we hung around in sullen looking groups. A decade later than punks & skin heads (although there were those that still adopted the fashion & hung around Bon Square) the Didi reference because we were 2 or 3 years younger than the original ‘Goths’ which at 14 is some considerable age, many of them the younger siblings of the real Goths, we had our own square, Goth square for the days, time has erased the memory of its actual name & The Radcliffe Camera for drunken nights before they fenced it off to stop drunken youngsters adorning and sometimes decorating their steps.

I have very fond memories of growing up in Oxford in the late 80s early 90s, I’d forgotten so much until recently having reconnected all be it via Facebook (other social media is available) with faces from my past.

I’m ashamed I haven’t made the effort to stay in touch with many people, I think the embarrassment & numbness of a few years of anorexic drug addiction made me reluctant to stay in touch with some people, couple that with the misery of that life, years passed, life went on, more years passed, even that time in my life is like a vaguely remembered novel I once read, the memories surreal.

I like to watch repeats of “Inspector Morse” & “Endeavour” to catch a glimpse of my old haunts. Reconnecting with people has bought memories rumbling to the surface with the anesthesia of time to situations that once caused pain or embarrassment, let’s face it, we all have those πŸ€¦β€β™€οΈ.

My 17 year old daughter’s taste in music also sends my mind to places it hasn’t been in decades, she listens to all the music I did at her age, fabulous taste obviously, so here’s to reconnecting with old friends to make new memories. Enough if my ramblings for the day!

G’Nite folks A x

#memorylane #middleagedread #agewisely #reconnecting #herbalife4life

Perception is everything…again!

It’s said that a different version of you exists in the minds of everyone you ever met. This was highlighted to me again today when my husband told me I’m always angry lately!!

πŸ€·β€β™€οΈ Initially I was incredulous; I should probably point out I’m the happiest and most hopeful for a fabulous future for our family unit than I have ever been in my life. I have been actively trying to respond differently to him (& others) because the penny finally dropped after all the memes,self help pod casts & reading, “you cannot change another person or situation, only how you respond to them!” Fundamentally you are responsible for yourself and you alone!

Then it struck me, regardless of how I feel, I can’t deny him his opinion, his perception of me must be entirely valid because it’s his truth!.. life as he sees it.

I probably have been preoccupied with my thoughts, work, the kids, building the aforementioned future but where I believed I radiated positivity & love while doing it, he perceives anger, I’m at a bit of a loss πŸ€·β€β™€οΈ

I’m having a cut back/deload week in the exercise department, I often do less strength work when I’m training for longer runs or cut back the running when I’m looking to build strength but not usually both at once (unless I’m pregnant & there’s no chance of that ever again,my youngest is 7 on Halloween & I was pretty elderly to be having a baby even then πŸ€ͺ) it’s possible I might be aΒ little touchy but I honestly didn’t think I was & even patted myself on the back a bit learning to take time off 🀣

My oldest daughter C, much mentioned in previous blog posts I won’t bore you with the details believes I’m always positive, she rings me for perky pep talks, to talk her down or up from 1 dilemma or another.

El daughter no 2, says people ask her if she’s my daughter when she’s at work in a niche pub, they say we’re very alike both in looks & our neuro diversity (my husband says we’re nothing at all alike, another example of the perception thing I guess, though he and her father aren’t exactly friendly shall we say & he sees her as a tiny version of him.) And that I’m always rushing! This point I do agree with, so much to do, places to go, busy busy.

2 of my friends described me recently as amazing, which was lovely actually but it was hard to believe, why is it so difficult to believe the nice things people say? I was going to say it’s easier to believe the nasty but I wasn’t very ready to believe I was angry either so maybe it’s just hard to believe we don’t project what we’re feeling, we know how we feel so it should be obvious to others but why should it? I mean really, most of my children have some form of autism with or without ADD,ADHD or dyspraxia & you simple cannot fool them, it’s not like a baby or a pet, you can’t use a nice voice & say any old thing in that tone regardless of the words to get a positive response. They feel in their soul if you’re agitated, anxious, unhappy & are immediately uncomfortable no matter how placating the words coming out of your mouth, although they probably wouldn’t be able to differentiate between sadness, disappointment or anger, much like their father apparently, they feel the change in energy & fear it because it’s not their normal.

Enough of my ramblings for the day, I’m going to ponder how to radiate the joy of my wonderful life better & plan a decent run for Saturday to put the world to right!

G’nite folks A x

#positivelife #perceptioniseverything #middleagedread #agewisely #bekind #positivepantson #myamazingfuture

The power of attraction

Newton’s third law of motion states “for every action there’s an equal & opposite reaction,” for almost 50 years I believed that basically meant push something it pushes back, gravity, forces & the like, I haven’t thought much about it since I left school if I’m honest. However lately I’ve been doing some reading, quantum physics, philosophy & a book called the secret by Rhonda Byrne which was recommended to me by a friend & it’s definitely piqued my interest!

Very basically the idea is thoughts are energy, energy is a force;…my mind immediately thought ok so for a positive thought somewhere there must be a negative one in equal measureπŸ€·β€β™€οΈ πŸ€” but NO apparently it’s so much cooler than that!!

Anyone that knows the current version of me knows I’m an irritatingly positive soul, (yea if you knew me in my 20s when I once won an award for moaning it might seem far-reaching but it’s true πŸ˜„)

The theory is you reap what you sow, the feeling energy you give out you get back, if you go forward in life with joy,love,forgiveness and all the good feelings you get these things back from God, the universe or whatever your bag but here’s the rub, if you’re unkind, jealous bitter, or any of the lesser emotions you get these back too. You create your reality with your faith, your belief that it will be. As the Bible says ask, believe, receive!

There is so very much more to it than that obviously but this s*** is blowing my mind! Seriously the more I research, the more I believe it to be true, the more I fine comb my past the more I see the evidence of things I manifested good & bad.

I’ll continue with my journey, always improving, learning & following my joy πŸ˜€ I urge anyone & everyone to read ‘The Secret by Rhonda Byrne,’ hell watch the movie on Netflix, get the audio book on audible & just see how it makes you feel, where it can take your mind.

Have an amazing life A x

#thesecret #thepowerofattraction #herbalife4life #mindblowing #expandyourhorizons

I think I might be flipping bonkers!

On a whim ,during a late night messenger conversation with a friend, I’ve decided to run 50k on my birthday (New years eve) I’d like to say at the least there was some alcohol involved in the discussion but neither of us drink 🀣..Within 15 minutes, not only was it decided, we’d roped in at least 1 fellow runner for the full distance, several for 5 or 10k increments, roughed out a route, a pit crew to bring us water, (hydrate & cr7 from the Herbalife team) & decided to leave at 5am so we’ll be back by midday for food and a quick sleep and still be able to stay awake for the count down & fireworks πŸŽ†

Wish me luck, I’ve no doubt regular updates will be forthcoming 🀣

September is storming along isn’t it!

#followyourjoy #notquiteultrarunner #herbalife4life

From long time no see to twice in a week!

I found this partially written post when I was revisiting my love of writing (aka talking about myself) there is something cathartic about discussing the rumblings of your mind in a forum that may or may not be visited at all, let alone by anyone you know! It’s from June, it’s now September my life has moved on significantly, revisiting where my mind was at various points from late 2018 when I started to journal to now has been fascinating.

Hello my lovelies, life has taken its toll recently, seriously I thought I’d got through Covid virtually unscathed. I’m ashamed to say there was very little impact on my life πŸ€·β€β™€οΈ. I didn’t work for 3 months which was financially interesting but in the great scheme of things it was fairly positive. (Funnily enough, I wrote about this earlier this week; September edit)

I went back to work when my youngest 3 children were really small because I’m self employed but the enforced confinement of lock down meant I was able to spend quality time with them. I am very definitely not a teacher but we did try and I really enjoyed their company, during the first lock down the weather in the UK was awesome & life was really good.

It was after things began to lift that life became taxing, work, home schooling, shopping, there was an underlying current of anxiety in the air, we were yet to have vaccinations, although local lock down measures had done something to reduce the numbers, schools were going to reopen, depending where you lived the UK was opening up. Yet every day (eventually every week) were the updates of the R number, projections for the winter, a new peak, more deaths, the strain on services and the continued segregation from peers and another lock down looming and we knew it!

The second lock down was harder on the nation as a whole, the nights were dark, the excitement of family Christmas plans were dashed at the last minute as lock down measures were suddenly reintroduced in areas where there had been some leniency in an attempt to help the crumbling economy, the rigidity of the old system reappeared to reduce the impact of a new variant.

Where my younger children had been happy to study in “Scleddau home school” it was a constant fight to get even the briefest academic work done & I didn’t want a fight, I didn’t & still don’t want my children to look back on this as anything more than an adventure, when we made light houses & box forts out of Herbalife boxes, playdough from flour oil & food colouring with recipes the teachers found us, Google classroom was where they caught up with their friends after so long and were together safe in our home.

Now it’s September there’s an easing of restrictions despite the Delta varient & ever rising numbers of infections, thus far the vaccination programme seems to be working because the fatalities are so much lower & many of the very ill are those who haven’t yet been vaccinated.

There is both a positive & pragmatic mindset to the nation, the world is opening up (rightly or wrongly,) people have learned a new way of working & living, Covid 19 is something we will have to live with, local lock downs are likely, if only as a fire break as new variants & mutations raise their heads & booster jabs are being discussed. I’m a firm believer you attract what you focus on, I stopped watching the news or reading the papers long ago, fortunately the nations fixation is no longer on Covid & positivity is returning but I hope the good bits remain…

Check on your neighbours, there’s shortage in the shops because of a lack of lorry drivers & produce while Brexit is worked out, leave something on the shelves for others, cook from scratch, get outside!! When you weren’t allowed out for more than an hour once a day you were desperate to go for a walk with your children. Remember the teachers, shop workers, cleaners & other essential workers as well as the doctors, nurses, porters and other hospital staff who kept the nation going when we could sit safely at home!

Have a splendid September! A x

#positivelife #covid19 #bekind

Wow what a year 2020 was & how quickly 2021 has ploughed along?!

Who could have ever conceived of 2020? The stuff of science fiction novels, an epidemic, bloody Brexit!

In truth though as with all negative situations if you dig a little there were tremendous things about 2020 for many of us. (All be it after the whole gambit of emotions adjusting first.) My husband & I approached it differently, he, like many others, became a day time drinker, he’s a fairly keen evening one at the best of times! 🀣

I used my hour of outside time to run, if the children didn’t want to go out, which they seldom did & passed the hours training & reading, usually about training. I was very lucky to be part of a Herbalife family, we moved all of our team meetings etc to zoom so I wasn’t completely isolated & we still have a Saturday morning catch up every week to this day.

The 2 younger children just accepted we would do some education during the first lock down, the older 2 were slightly less accommodating but still knuckled down, the schools & teachers were fabulous, teachers unsung heros, the community rallied there was a real blitz spirit.

For me personally, I spent time with my children, real time not the rushed moments, eating & shouting things like, “hair! Teeth!” Before the school run or berating lost reading books & prising technology out of their hands in an effort to get them to eat or bathe without the accompanying youtuber. My children flourished with the attention and family unit, I loved that it was a truly amazing time I’ll forever be grateful for.

Chris & I went through all the emotions, neither of us is good with change, this was a big change. There were times if he had breathed loudly or chewed his food so I could hear once more I’d have happily bludgeoned him & vice versa no doubt but for the most part we ticked along too.

So here we are in September 2021, I genuinely have no clue what I’ve done since the 3rd strict lock down was eased in January. My dreams of daily blogging will have to wait until 2022 when I’ll be half a century old but I’ll write as often as I can because it like exercise bring me joy. I firmly believe if you follow your bliss you find the true wealth in life.

Have a great day A x

#herbalife4life # gratitude #followyourjoy #findthepositive

Wow, where did the time go?!

When I originally signed up for a WordPress account it was to document a whole year in my life, from January 01- Dec 31 because my birthday is New year’s Eve & I can’t abide it so I was trying to shift my mindset.

However it was the same year my eldest daughter was moving home to Pembrokeshire West Wales from Oxford. I started well but eventually the whirl wind that is my daughter her partner & children took up what little time I had left (I have another 5 children & a husband too) and the blog sat on the back burner.

Fast forward to 2021 we’re stuck in the jobless, penny less, home schooling nightmare of Covid 19 and my mood is in my shoes.

Running has always been my escape but I’ve got plantar fascitis which it exacerbates so that’s out of the window for now & all my other training just doesn’t cut it!

The children are all but ferral, their diet is appalling, my house has never been so filthy and unkempt & trying to get any of them to do any flipping work is a nightmare. When they will commit to any kind of school work for 1 reason or another the link to Google classroom will work for every parent except me & I’ve spent days in tears. Very much not positive perky Alley that people know.

I finally reached out to the local autistic society support group to have a little whine about life (my younger children are all on the autistic spectrum or waiting to be assessed) but low & behold 1 of their teachers is also a member so my safe ranting space isn’t available either, although I should point out she was very nice.

Why this barely legible waffle? God is good all the time, all the time God is good, despite my original card for WordPress renewal being expired I just had a receipt. I figure I’ve paid for the year so here is my safe space to rant!

Other woman have redecorated, made their children box forts, playdoh and free range meals from scratch, which they actually eat. All while holding down their jobs, zoom meetings and pristine homes.

1 of mine hasn’t showered in a week much less washed his hair, ripped my wall paper, redecorated his & his sister’s room with Sharpie pictures of his LOL collection on the walls themselves, eats only microwave chips & mashed potato, another lives on rice cakes and frosting! I’m jobless (at least for now, thanks Covid) & my house looks like it’s been ransacked in a robbery.

Society suck, we tell people not to suffer in silence, to reach out if they need help and then judge them for “attention seeking” if they do it on social media!

Unattainable images of beautiful people,figures, lifestyle’s & everything inbetween set us up for failure. Success isn’t about things it’s about inner contentment,peace,happiness if you can find the path to yours you’re very lucky x

Rollercoaster life!!

I stumbled upon this draft from a few months ago, in truth I’m not sure when I started it as it was something I dipped in and out of. I haven’t written regularly in ages for many reasons most time related but it’s still pretty valid!

Bloody hell life’s up and down isn’t it? Seriously I think you could write a pretty good tv drama from mine in the last 6 months if not an actual soap opera!

Frustrated isn’t the word today…one day fabulous, the next terrible and so on! last week was much the same. I don’t usually let things get to me but at the moment it’s such a struggle to stay buoyant..
I have faith, usually I give my worries away #godsquad and all is well but no sooner have I done that lately I seem to keep grabbing them back, #self sabotage?!

I think I know the root of the problem, or roots to be precise.

I’ve gained over 10lb in weight since September (probably more like a stone if I’m honest) a lifelong struggle with body dysmorphia has me distraught at this, I have such problems with weight gain, it really shouldn’t be a shock, I’ve been eating far too many calories and that’s the end result. #Emotionaleating

I’m struggling to fit in my usual level of training, an essential part of managing my mental health. I have tried to train 5-6 days a week for over a decade allowing for pregnancies etc #trainformentalhealth

Money!! the root of all evil it may be but it’s also a cushion for blows that come from unexpected areas! A guy in the UK won over Β£70million on the lotto recently, he said “money can’t buy you happiness but I’m going to try!” πŸ˜‚ I thought it was a fabulous philosophy. He was on the lowest end of the tax bracket hard working, working class and I felt such joy for him, and the obvious pang of jealousy